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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22538494">Wish You Were Gay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/gayraymen314'>gayraymen314 (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Unus Annus - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheating, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Men Crying, Truth or Dare, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, crankiplier - Freeform, i may or may not edit the entire thing randomly, unbettaed, we'll just have to see</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:42:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22538494</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/gayraymen314</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark and Ethan play Truth or Dare. Obviously, it doesn't turn out well. After feelings are revealed, the two boys (and their girlfriends) have to decide the fate of their relationships.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Crankiplier, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor, Mika Midgett/Ethan Nestor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>159</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Where It All Began</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>DISCLAIMER: I don't ship these two irl. However, my brain will not let me not write Crankiplier.<br/>Contains lots of angst.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Ethan</strong>

</p><p>"C'mon, Eth!" Mark exclaimed, shutting the door behind us as I flopped down on his couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table. "We've gotta get some sort of content out while you're still in town, so why can't we just play truth or dare?"
</p><p>I rolled my eyes, sitting up (feet on the floor) and grabbing the remote off of the coffee table. "Mark, can't we just relax?" I whined. "I've gotta get on a plane in eight hours, and I don't wanna have to stress out. Plus, I'm super tired after getting SHOT with a PAINTBALL GUN, and doing MANUAL LABOR."
</p><p>As I glared at Mark, he looked back sheepishly, sitting down on the couch next to me. "Okay," he replied, scooting a little closer to me. My heart fluttered. "Wanna play just for fun? No pressure, just genuine Ethan. And then I'll drive ya home, and then you can go have a nice vacation at your parent's house. No stress."
</p><p>Pretending to think for a moment, I shrugged. "Sure, I don't see why not. But if you stress me out, I swear to God-"
</p><p>"Yes!" Mark exclaimed, cutting me off. He turned towards me and crossed his legs, a silly smile on his face. Rolling my eyes (yet still smiling), I turned as well. "Okay, you wanna go first?"
</p><p>"Sure," I replied, shrugging. "Truth or dare, Markimoo?"
</p><p>Mark chuckled slightly at the nickname, blushing. Ooh, I wonder how easy it ACTUALLY is to make him blush. We haven't hung out without a camera on us for too long; between editing, filming for multiple channels, spending time with our girlfriends, and working out, there wasn't enough time.
</p><p>My heart panged as I thought about our girlfriends. Poor, innocent Mika. And, on the off chance my fantasies come to fruit, poor Amy.
</p><p>"Truth," Mark replied after a long moment, his head rolling slightly to the side. "You okay, Eth?"
</p><p>"I'm fine," I lied, waving a hand to dismiss him. Like it was a silly thought. I spaced out for an entire minute, and you have the AUDACITY to ask if I'm okay? How absurd. "Alright. Uh, how many people have you slept with?"
</p><p>Mark quirked an eyebrow, his blush deepening. His blushing caused me to start blushing. Damn it, I lasted so long. "That's quite a strong way to start there, blue boy."
</p><p>I blushed even harder at the nickname, covering up my embarrassment (and affection) with laughter and a shrug. "Regardless, you've still gotta answer the question, Mark."
</p><p>He groaned, throwing his head back against the couch. He muttered something unintelligibly, and I suggested, "If you really don't want to answer, I'm sure we can put some sort of chickening system in place."
</p><p>"What's your offer?"
</p><p>"I hadn't gotten that far." We both laughed, and by the time I calmed down, I had an idea. "How about every time you chicken out, you have to remove one piece of clothing?"
</p><p>Mark shrugged, unbuttoning his flannel and revealing a tight, black undershirt. As Mark threw the flannel on the floor, I forcefully tore my eyes away and started to blush. "You like what you see, Eth?" he asked, and I blushed even harder.
</p><p>"I'm not legally obligated to answer, 'cuz you didn't ask me truth or dare," I said, and Mark started laughing.
</p><p>"Wh-wait- you're not legally obligated to answer at all! Ever!" He choked out through his laughter.
</p><p>I giggled slightly. "I know what I said," I shot back, causing Mark to laugh even more. Though I tried to repress the fluttering in my heart at making him laugh with such a simple joke, it didn't work; at least I can blame the constant blushing on laughing too hard.
</p><p>"Ah, you're too much," Mark said, wiping the corners of his eyes. "Anyways, truth or dare?"
</p><p>"How about truth."
</p><p>A mischievous smile appeared on Mark's face, and I gulped. "How comfortable are you with me?"
</p><p>"Very," I breathed, and his smile turned into something indescribable.
</p><p>"Ethan," he said tentatively, "are you straight?"
</p><p>I recoiled slightly, pushing myself a bit further down the couch. "Uh, what do you mean, Mark?" I asked, the blush returning. The tips of my ears burned, just like they always do when I feel uncomfortable.
</p><p>"If you don't want to answer, I won't make you take off anything," he continued, completely ignoring my question. "I just-"
</p><p>"No," I interrupted, barely speaking.
</p><p>Now it was Mark's turn to look surprised. "Really?" He asked. "I wasn't really sure, but I wanted to ask because I don't want you to be uncomfortable in videos and-"
</p><p>I brought my index finger to Mark's lips, and his blush deepened. "Mark," I murmured. "If I'm uncomfortable, I'll tell you. I promise."
</p><p>"Okay," he replied as I removed my finger. "I just wanted to let you know I'm fine with it, and it's not going to change anything."
</p><p>"I know," I said, a small smile on my face. Mark still looked worried, though; maybe if I just acted normally, it'd be fine. "Alright, truth or dare, Markimoo?" I asked, hoping that things'd be fine. The fact that a smile immediately returned to Mark's face was encouragement enough.
</p><p>"Let's go with truth this time," Mark replied, and I immediately knew exactly what to ask.
</p><p>"If you don't wanna answer, I won't make you take anything off, but are YOU straight?" I asked, and Mark shrugged.
</p><p>"I really have no idea," he admitted, raking a hand through his hair. "I've been with Amy for so long, and I haven't really been looking, but... there's this really hot dude I see sometimes, and I'm not sure if it's the admiration of objective beauty or a crush."
</p><p>"Alex?" I asked teasingly.
</p><p>"Oh hell yeah," Mark replied immediately, and we both laughed. Well, at least his answer's progress.
</p><p>Progress? What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I WANT progress? We've both got girlfriends! I love Mika with all my heart! 
</p><p>But something new is so goddamn enticing to my ADHD...
</p><p>"Ethan?" Mark said, his voice filled with concern. I burst out of my daze, blush immediately rising to my cheeks. "You good?"
</p><p>"Yeah, I'm good," I said softly.
</p><p>"Are you sure? Do you want anything to eat or drink?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. I shook my head, and Mark stood. "Well, I'm gonna grab myself a water. You sure you don't want anything?"
</p><p>"A water sounds good," I murmured, and he nodded, ducking out of the room and into the kitchen. I finally let a huge sigh out, hitting my head hard against the back of the couch. At least the external pain distracts me from my other emotions.
</p><p>I know I'm gonna do something stupid. Is it really a game of truth or dare if something isn't revealed or a relationship is ruined? I've never played a good game of truth or dare without it going downhill real fast.
</p><p>"I'm back!" Mark exclaimed in a singsong voice, a bottle of water hitting me in the chest. I picked up the bottle, humming gratefully as I took a gulp. "My turn, right? Truth or dare?"
</p><p>"Dare," I replied after swallowing my mouthful of water.
</p><p>"Once again, how dirty do you wanna play?"
</p><p>I thought back to all the other times I've played truth or dare; how many friends I've lost over being honest. But I don't think anything I did could scare away Mark at this point. "Hit me with it, Markimoo."
</p><p>Mark blushed slightly at the nickname, his blush deepening as he finally spat out his dare: "I dare you to take off a piece of clothing every time you say the word 'dare.'"
</p><p>My jaw dropped, and Mark took a sip of water. "Wh- wait- that's not fair!" I sputtered.
</p><p>"Then chicken out, dude," he replied.
</p><p>"Oh, no, no," I said, chuckling slightly and setting my water bottle down on the couch. "You're not getting the satisfaction of that. Truth or dare?" As soon as I finished my sentence, I began to unzip my jacket, tossing it haphazardly onto the floor. At least I still had on a white t-shirt.
</p><p>Mark stared at me for a moment, way too long to be considered friendly. "Ah, um, truth," he replied, seeming distracted.
</p><p>I took a sip of water as I thought, finally swallowing once I got a good idea. "Have you ever read fanfiction of yourself?" I asked, and Mark snapped out of his daze, his wide eyes meeting mine.
</p><p>Wordlessly, Mark yanked his undershirt off his body, and I forced myself to keep my eyes at a modest level. "That'd be a good video idea, though," he said after a moment. "It's pretty easy, and it'd probably only take an hour to record."
</p><p>"True."
</p><p>"Anyway, truth or dare, Eth?"
</p><p>Damn, it's never been this hard for my eyes to stay in one place. I took my meds this morning, right? "Let's go dare," I said confidently, and Mark only smirked. "What?" He made the motion of taking off his shirt, and I let my eyes stray for just a moment. "Damn you," I muttered, and he laughed as I took off my shirt.
</p><p>"Let's see," Mark said, pretending to think. The gleam in his eyes made me gulp; he's got something bad planned. "I dare you to take off your jeans."
</p><p>I glared at him, my face erupting into a full-out blush. "Fuck you!"
</p><p>He only laughed, and I sighed as I popped open the button and slid my jeans down my legs. Mark's eyes followed my waistband, and I smirked, my blush deepening. "Like what ya see, Mark?"
</p><p>"Ask me truth or dare and I'll answer," he replied, and I forced myself to squash down any feelings I may or may not have for him.
</p><p>I have a girlfriend.
</p><p>He has a girlfriend.
</p><p>"Truth or dare," I asked, tugging off both socks; to be fair, of course.
</p><p>"Truth."
</p><p>"Like what ya see?"
</p><p>Mark smirked slightly. "Wouldn't you like to know," he whispered, tugging off his jeans.
</p><p>I started to laugh, realizing the absurdity of the situation. I'm sitting two feet away from a man I did a backflip for because I wanted to be noticed. We're both practically naked. If I could tell this to my seventeen-year-old self, he'd die laughing.
</p><p>"Hey, I don't look that bad," Mark complained, laughing slightly.
</p><p>"Oh, Mark," I murmured. "Jeez, one backflip and a few years later and I'm practically naked next to you. And it's not even for a video!"
</p><p>"The power of gymnastics," he replied, and we both laughed a little more. "Okay, alright, truth or dare. But before you pick, just know you don't have to take off your boxers if you pick dare."
</p><p>I rolled my eyes, still chuckling a bit. "Your loss. Dare, then."
</p><p>He cocked his head to the side. "I know this one isn't sexual, but what's something you've always wanted to tell me but never have?"
</p><p> thought about that for a second. Mark's one of my best friends; I tell him practically everything. Realizing what I might have to do, I flicked through ideas with panic.
</p><p>Damn.
</p><p>I either get completely naked in front of Mark, or I tell him that I like him.
</p><p>"Can I show you instead?" The words came out of my mouth against my will, but Mark nodded regardless.
</p><p>It seemed like an out of body experience; like it was happening to someone else, not to me. I stood and extended my hand, pulling Mark up beside me. His hand lingered in mine, and our eyes met. His brown eyes searched mine, and I leaned in, our lips brushing together for only a moment. Sparks flew, burning my lips and causing a blush to erupt all over my body.
</p><p>Please don't let him be mad. Please don't let him be mad. Please don't-
</p><p>"Wow," he murmured, lightly brushing his bottom lip with his fingers. "I... wow."
</p><p>Is he mad? I couldn't tell. I cocked my head slightly to the side, opening my mouth to ask a question, but apparently Mark had other plans. His hands moved to cup my jaw, pulling me back in. My mind exploded as his lips moved against mine. Things went from zero to a hundred really fast, but I'm not complaining.
</p><p>I instinctively swung my arms around my neck, pulling him closer. My mouth slid open and his tongue immediately slipped inside. I squeaked, the noise bringing a deeper blush to my face. Mark kissed me for only a moment more before his lips left mine, stubble burning a path down my cheek and to my neck. He left a smattering of kisses before biting down. I squeaked once more as he sucked a mark into the skin, probably leaving a hickie.
</p><p>He pushed me down onto the couch, practically straddling me, and I could feel the telltale signs of arousal starting to build. I whimpered, pulling his face back to mine as my hickie throbbed.
</p><p>My hickie.
</p><p>That my girlfriend will probably see.
</p><p>Shit.
</p><p>I pulled away, gasping as I laid my head against the couch. "You okay?" Mark asked, and I shook my head, tears springing to my eyes.
</p><p>"Mika," I managed to gasp out, and understanding dawned in his eyes.
</p><p>"Shit, shit, shit," he muttered, getting off of me and pulling back on his jeans. "We just cheated on our girlfriends."
</p><p>"I knew telling you was a bad idea," I whispered to myself, pulling on my jeans as well.
</p><p>"Just a PSA, I don't cheat," he said, fidgeting with his zipper and pulling his flannel back on.
</p><p>"I know."
</p><p>"And I don't intend on cheating again."
</p><p>My heart broke, the tears in my eyes spilling over a bit. "I know," I muttered, pulling on my shirt.
</p><p>"Damn, I don't even know if I like you!" He exclaimed, and that was my breaking point. A couple more tears fell freely, and I wiped them away with my jacket sleeve.
</p><p>"Mark, I-"
</p><p>He shushed me, pressing a finger to my mouth as he buttoned his flannel single-handedly. "No. We're not ending on a fight, or... whatever this turned into. I'm gonna drive you home, you're gonna go visit Mika's family, and when you get back, I'll know how I feel. Sound good?"
</p><p>I nodded, and he cupped my face in his hands again, wiping at my tears. "It's gonna be okay," he murmured, hugging me. Even though my face was wet with tears, and even though his shirt was half-buttoned, it felt right.
</p><p>The car ride was spent in awkward silence, me rubbing at my hickie and him gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white. "If you keep rubbing at it like that, it'll make it last longer," Mark said after a moment, breaking the silence. Without a reply, I let my hand fall away from my neck. "I'm sorry for making you cheat."
</p><p>"I kissed you first," I reminded him, and he only hummed, a blush obvious even though it was dark. "It'll all be okay, right?"
</p><p>With a sigh, he replied, "I sure as hell hope so."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I Knew You Were Trouble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Mark</strong>

</p><p>I stood alone right outside Ethan's terminal, holding a completely decked out sign that read, 'Ethan Nestor, your best friend is here to pick you up.' Probably too overboard, calling myself his best friend, but I'm so nervous about every possible interaction I might have with him that I stopped caring about my own thoughts.
</p><p>Ethan and I hadn't spoken since that night. I spent every night hunched over my phone, debating whether to text or not. I tossed and turned in bed for hours, worrying about ruining everything. Ruining everything between Ethan and I.
</p><p>Ruining everything between Amy and I.


<em></em></p><p>
  <em>I let my head gently fall against the back of the couch, an arm slung around Amy as she focused on the rom-com playing on the TV. It felt wrong, sitting here on this very couch, acting like things're normal. Can she tell I'm on edge? Can she sense my regret?
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With almost comedic timing, her head turned to face me. "Mark, what's wrong?" She asked, holding up the controller and muting the cheesy movie all without looking away from me. "You've been acting weird for the past three days. Is it something I said?"
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I grimaced, moving my arm away from her shoulders and rubbing the back of my neck. "Um, it was actually something I said. To someone else."
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She turned her entire body to face me, and I let out a shaky sigh. How do people cheat on their partners without feeling guilty? All I did was kiss the dude, and yet I feel like I'm going to explode from the guilt.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mark," she chided gently, cupping my jaw and moving my face so that I was looking directly at her. I gulped. "Spit it out."
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With a sigh, I finally said, "I, uh... I cheated. On you. The other day."
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Amy raised an eyebrow, reminding me again why I fell in love with her. "What?" Her voice sounded completely innocent, and so terribly nervous; like she knew she was going to be broken. And it was all my goddamn fault.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My eyes started to cloud with tears. "I cheated on you."
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why?"
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Though her voice didn't waver, I saw the tears starting to gather in her eyes.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Because they kissed me, and I liked it," I muttered, trying to look away. Her grip on my face tightened, pulling my gaze back to her.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She let out a shuddering breath, but her voice still didn't change. "Who? And how far did you go?"
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A blush started to fall over my cheeks, and my heart cracked as I saw the first tear slide noiselessly down her cheek. "It was Ethan. And all I did was kiss him."
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And straddle him.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And mark him as my own.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her jaw clenched and unclenched. "That came out wrong. I don't mean it like 'you shouldn't get mad at me because that's all that happened,' I mean it like 'get very mad at me because I was an idiot, and this is exactly what happened.'"
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I get it," she murmured, standing up from the couch. "I understand. But I hope that you understand that this is never happening again." Her fists clenched, and my heart cracked even further, shattering inside my chest.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's showing so much self-control.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I'm the one that made her so upset in the first place.
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do whatever you have to do to sort out how you feel," she instructed, pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table. Her tears dripped down onto the carpet, but from the way she was talking, you'd never be able to tell that she was crying. "When I say whatever, I mean whatever. I'm going to go spend the night with a friend, and then I'm going to fly out to see my parents for two weeks exactly. When I come back, you're giving me an answer whether we're dating or not. This is all in your hands, Mark," she warned, stopping in front of me. "I'm letting you pick here, because I love you. I love you so much that I'm willing to overlook this one mistake as long as it's all it is; a mistake."
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I nodded. "And one last thing," she murmured, "before I pack my bags."
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Anything."
</em>
</p><p><em>She smiled, and you could tell that she was broken inside. "Don't let him fuck you in our bed."</em>


</p><p>"Mark!" Ethan exclaimed, jolting me out of my trance. He practically tackled me into a hug and I chuckled, dropping the sign as I tried to keep my balance.
</p><p>I hugged his tiny frame tightly against me, my eyes wandering to where the hickie that got us into this whole mess used to be; it was faded to a yellow, but still visible if you knew where to look. "I missed you," I murmured, hugging him impossibly tighter.
</p><p>"It's only been a week," he teased, letting me go and inspecting the sign on the ground. "How long'd that take ya?"
</p><p>I shrugged, the smile still on my face. "Only three hours or so." His laugh warmed my heart, and for once, I didn't curse myself for it. Amy did say to do whatever it took.
</p><p>"Baggage claim?" he asked, breathless from jumping around and almost killing me.
</p><p>"Yeah. Wendy's?"
</p><p>"You already know," he replied teasingly.
</p><p>We walked through the airport, chatting amicably, before the question came up: "So, when's Mika coming back?"
</p><p>Ethan slowed significantly, and I looked back at him, cocking my head to the side. "Um, not next Wednesday, but the Wednesday after that."
</p><p>I nodded. "Amy left. After I told her."
</p><p>"Did you break up?"
</p><p>I shook my head, sighing. "She said that I have two weeks to figure out how I feel. Whatever it takes."
</p><p>Ethan shivered, grabbing his bag off of the conveyor belt. "I can tell you what happened once we get to the car," he offered, his voice shaking slightly. I nodded, and we speed-walked through the airport and out the spinning doors.
</p><p>I popped the trunk of my car, lifting the lid. Ethan carelessly threw his bag into the trunk, opening the passenger side door and slamming it with a little more force than he needed.
</p><p>After slamming the trunk shut, I cautiously opened the door. Ethan grabbed the neck of my sweatshirt and pulled me into a kiss. I hummed in surprise before melting into the kiss, slinging my arm around his neck. He pulled away after a moment, judging my reaction, a small smile on his face. "What'd Mika say?" I asked, shattering the moment.
</p><p>As much as I liked to kiss Ethan, that wasn't what I needed to do. I need to figure out if I love Amy more than I like Ethan. The pros and cons swam through my head as Ethan sighed, looking down into his lap.
</p><p>"Mika said I need to figure myself out," he murmured. "No matter what it takes. She was mad that I didn't tell her, and she was mad because she had to find out through the hickie and piece things together. She said she needs some time alone, to figure out if she can forgive me, and I agreed. And she said that I need to figure out if she's more important than you." He looked up, his eyes slightly watery. My heart pounded in my chest, and my veins flooded with guilt. "What did Amy say?"
</p><p>I took a deep breath. "Pretty much the same thing. She said that I need to figure out how I feel, no matter what. She'll be back in about a week in a half. Ethan, I feel so bad. If I had been thinking at all, I wouldn't have kissed you back. I would've told Amy immediately."
</p><p>Ethan nodded, his eyes starting to gleam with tears. "Understandable, same for me. But I had to figure it out." He pulled me over once again, his lips meeting mine desperately. I kissed back as his fingers tangled into my hair, tugging slightly. Ethan pulled away after a moment, whispering against my lips, "Doesn't it feel good, though? Isn't it good that you know?"
</p><p>I shivered as his lips moved to my neck. "Y-yeah," I whimpered. He left a mark on my jaw, a mirror of the one I left on him. "But that's not why I need this," I continued, my voice growing stronger. Ethan sat back in his chair, adorably cocking his head to the side.
</p><p>With a deep breath, I said, "Ethan, just because I like kissing you doesn't make me love Amy any less. I love Amy with all my heart. I've cried more in the past four days than I have in my entire life. I've buried myself in my work, recording dozens of videos just to stop the ache in my heart. And there's a whole lotta factors here that're gonna determine if Amy and I break up and if you and Mika break up."
</p><p>Ethan nodded, immediately sobered up. "Yes, definitely. Just because Mika and Amy gave us permission to sort out our feelings, doesn't mean we need to abuse that."
</p><p>I let out a breath, steadying my hands on the wheel. "We should probably head to Wendy's, get you settled back in, maybe record a couple videos."
</p><p>Ethan nodded stiffly, clicking his seatbelt into place. "Yeah."
</p><p>I started the car in silence, putting it into reverse and backing out of the parking spot. We drove down the busy roads in silence; Ethan didn't even glance at his phone, his attention focused solely on the city rushing by. I drummed my fingers against the wheel, giving myself time to think as I made all the familiar turns towards our local Wendy's.
</p><p>I'd already started the two-week journal. Everything I did, and notable things I thought or said, I wrote down. Even if Amy and I break up, I want her to have it. Cheating was bad, and I can't live with myself if she doesn't trust me. So I wrote everything I thought down, weighing the pros and cons, making lists about why I love her and why I like Ethan.
</p><p>So far, they were tied, at about 15 reasons.
</p><p>But I can add the fact that I miss Amy even more after seeing Ethan to the list.
</p><p>At this point, I honestly wasn't sure about who I'm going to pick. If everything were completely up to me, I had no idea.
</p><p>I miss Amy like hell. My thoughts are filled with her day and night. I can't even sleep in our bedroom anymore, the entire house feeling empty and cold without her there. There's the chilling risk that she might only come back for Henry and her things, and I can't sleep thinking about it.
</p><p>But as sad as the Amy side of me is, the Ethan inclined side is ecstatic. A cute guy, returning my feelings, that I get to hang out with with no repercussions? Hell yeah! He's cute, he's funny, and he has a great personality.
</p><p>I'm just not so sure that I love him, per se.
</p><p>I surprised both myself and Ethan as I pulled into a parking spot in the Wendy's lot, leaving the car still running. "Penny for your thoughts," Ethan murmured, looking over to me.
</p><p>With a soft smile, I didn't reply for a moment, letting myself get lost in his eyes. This is new. New is scary, but I need something new sometimes. Wordlessly, I leaned over, gently capturing his jaw and bringing him into a kiss. He let out a relieved sigh against my lips, one of his hands fisting the fabric at the bottom of my shirt. All too soon I pulled away, Ethan trying to follow me as I moved back.
</p><p>"Ready to head in?" I asked cheerfully, turning off the car and jamming the keys into my pocket.
</p><p>"You're gonna pay for being a fucking tease," Ethan said, practically growling. It made me pause for a second before I smirked and opened my car door, stepping out onto the cracked pavement.
</p><p>"I'd like to see you try," I called over my shoulder. Even though he talked so much game, he scrambled to keep up with me, and murmured his thanks as I opened the door.
</p><p>There's no way in hell that man's a top.

</p><p>~-~-~-~-~-~

</p><p>After grabbing our food to-go (by Ethan's insistence) and ignoring the cashier's wistful gaze he gave Ethan every time we went to Wendy's (which was way too often; the amount of shit we pulled in this building is immeasurable), we walked back out to the car.
</p><p>The moment I shut my door, Ethan grabbed my shirt and roughly pulled my lips to his. He was straight up addicting. The taste of coffee and the smell of his cologne overwhelmed me as his tongue slipped into my mouth, battling for dominance against mine. An embarrassing whimper that I made was muffled by his mouth, but he pulled away with a smirk, a thin string of saliva connecting our lips.
</p><p>"I told you you'd pay, Mark," he said teasingly, settling the bag of food on his lap. I merely stared at him dumbly.
</p><p>I was already half-hard in my pants, desperately fighting with myself over whether I should hate myself or not.
</p><p>Ethan's eyes flicked down to my groin, and his smirk grew even bigger. "Wow, Mark, didn't think you were that much of a bottom."
</p><p>"I'm not-" I started, but the look he gave me cut me off. As a full-body shudder racked through me, I muttered, "'M not a bottom, you're a bottom."
</p><p>He laughed loudly, reaching towards my pants. My breath caught in my throat as his hand skimmed over my hard-on, reaching into my pocket and dangling my keys in front of my face. "How about we go back to your house, eat our food, and test that theory?"
</p><p>"Y-You're on."

</p><p>~-~-~-~-~-~

</p><p><strong>Mika</strong>

</p><p>"Baby, I'm so sorry," my mom said, wrapping me up in a hug. "He doesn't deserve you, what was he thinking?"
</p><p>I merely hugged her back, shaking my head against her shoulder. "I've been asking myself the same thing, Mom. You're sure you're fine with me taking the guest bedroom for a couple weeks?"
</p><p>My mom pushed me away, holding onto my shoulders and looking straight into my eyes. That was one thing I always found weird about my mom; every time you made eye contact with her, she seemed like she was looking straight into your soul. "Honey, it'll be great to have you back in the house."
</p><p>She left me alone at that, leaving to walk her dogs and let me settle in. The house was empty. Sure, I was used to an empty house, but this was chilling. I knew for sure that my mom wouldn't be back for an hour or so, my dad wouldn't be back until sundown, my siblings wouldn't be back for a long while. I was completely and utterly alone.
</p><p>I guess I've kinda felt that way since Ethan told me he cheated.
</p><p>I shouldn't have been surprised. I told Ethan I was fine with him experimenting, as long as he told me before and after he did anything with a guy. But he didn't tell me before. Or after.
</p><p>Can't believe I had to find out through a hickie.
</p><p>The thought saddens me, and I pick up my duffel bag off the ground, my shoes clacking against the hardwood I hated growing up as I walked towards the guest bedroom. My old bedroom.
</p><p>Maybe my new bedroom.
</p><p>"Stop being so depressing, Mika," I muttered aloud, opening the door and wincing as it creaked. "It's not like you're going to have to worry about anything for a while."
</p><p>I took two weeks off my job, glad that I hadn't used any vacation time so far this year, and went to spend some time with my parents. It'll be fine.
</p><p>Everything will be fine, I reassured myself, unzipping my duffel bag. Sometimes quiet is nice. The faint sounds of birds chirping, the wood floor creaking as I walked; it was peaceful.
</p><p>My phone started ringing, destroying the illusion of peace. As nice as being home again is, I still have responsibilities. I chose Ethan, and now I have to live with the consequences.
</p><p>Wow, that was angsty.
</p><p>I finished putting my final shirt in the old dresser and picked up my phone, sighing a bit when I saw the caller ID. Amy.
</p><p>It's really not her fault. It's not my fault, either, but I still blame myself. "Hello?"
</p><p>"Mika, I'm really sorry," she said. I could hear the hint of sadness in her voice as she continued, "I know. About Mark and Ethan. I'm sorry that my boyfriend doesn't have any self-control."
</p><p>I sat down gently on the bed. My bed. "It's really not your fault, Amy. We're in this together now. How'd you find out?"
</p><p>"He told me while we were watching a movie. How'd you find out?"
</p><p>With a deep breath, I replied, "I saw the hickie. I don't leave hickies. He asked me not to, because he doesn't want to hide them on camera. Didn't seem to have a problem with Mark marking him up, though."
</p><p>"Mika, I'm really sorry," she murmured. "He didn't even tell you?"
</p><p>"Nope," I said, popping the p. Don't cry. Don't cry. At this point, he doesn't deserve your tears. 
</p><p>We were both silent for a moment, but I knew she was still on the line. Was it awkward? Was it just normal? Were we both thinking about what comes next? I couldn't really tell. After a few minutes, Amy asked in a small voice, "Do you think you're gonna forgive him?"
</p><p>A shuddering sigh ripped through my body, salt pricking the corners of my eyes. It'll all be okay. It'll be fine.
</p><p>"I don't know if I can."</p>
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